What Happened When I Received a Text Meant for a Married Woman
When it comes to dating, I’m hyper-aware the conversation can take a turn at any moment as each person reveals a bit more of themselves. Sometimes, it’s just one thing, other times it’s a series of things that put the person in perspective. At this point in my life, I probably shouldn’t still be surprised by people’s behavior. I’ve lived long enough to know what we’re all capable of, myself included, but regardless of the circumstances, I never cease to be amazed, as I was when this situation went from good to bad.
After matching, he immediately reached out to me. We talked standard LA stuff, but then he listed his favorite authors (so not standard LA) and sent me a link to a book he published, and my interest was sparked. After making me promise I wasn’t going to harvest his organs, he gave me his number and suggested I reach out if I wanted to. I did.
We exchanged some generic text messages. When he asked if he could call me, I said yes. He called with specific questions based on the limited information I’d previously provided, which I found charming. Since I know next to zero people from the deep South and I’m a sucker for accents, I found his even more charming.
My first impression, based on our hour conversation, was that he was honest, genuine, self-deprecating, and had a goofy sense of humor. When he asked if I’d like to get dinner or drinks, I said I’d like to grab drinks. We decided on a day, bar, and time, then he said he was hoping I wasn’t as crazy as he was. When I asked him to explain, he said all writers are crazy in their own way, then call dropped. I assumed his phone had died because when I called him back it went straight to voicemail. I left him a message telling him I was excited to meet, re-iterated the day, time, and bar, and went about my night.
Ten minutes later, he texted me: sorry my phone died. A few minutes later he called back and asked when, where, and what time we should meet. I reminded him what we’d decided, but he had no idea what I was talking about. I looked at the caller ID to make sure I was talking to the person I thought I was. Unfortunately, I was. I reminded him several times what we’d previously discussed before he finally got it together. (Although it wasn’t clear if he actually remembered our previous conversation or if he was just pretending to). I choose to give him the benefit of the doubt, told him I’d text him the day of to re-confirm, then ended the call and went about my night, again.
A few minutes after hanging up, he texted me to ask my last name so he could add it to his phone. I wrote back, then went back to writing. When my phone buzzed yet again, it was because he wanted to know if we could be Facebook friends. I sent him a friend request, briefly looked through his photos, then went back to writing.
Next he texted to tell me he was listening to Joe Jonas’ new band. Not familiar with them, I listened for a bit, then asked if he had any other music recommendations. He recommended a band I didn’t like and I responded I hated the singer’s voice. Then I received the following message from him:
Well still looking forward to meeting up with you. Still trying to figure out what the fuck I'm doing out here. I have no idea what I'm doing. Don't want to do shit that fucks with marriages, but I'd like to make friends.
Since I’m not married and it was completely out of context, I automatically assumed he meant to send it to someone else, so I jokingly responded: Who is the other girl you’re texting? I hope she’s got a way better personality than me!
This is what transpired:
Him: I don't text anyone who is married. I had a girl from from the Philippines who texted me and I sent her charity $50 two years ago.
Me: What is this about: insert his own text.
Me: You just texted me that, see above.
Him: I don’t see that, it wasn’t me.
Me: Sends screenshot of our text messages with his text.
Him: Oh yeah, that was at the bottom of something. Does it really matter?
Me: It didn’t matter, I thought it was funny you typed it in the wrong window, but now I just feel like you’re lying so it does matter.
The spiral downward included the following admissions: he hadn’t hooked up with another girl since “meeting” me, hadn’t had sex in three years, and that he wanted to rub up on me. Really all I wanted was for him to admit he meant to send the message to someone else and accept responsibility so I could go to bed. But he followed anything I said with nonsensical random shit that had nothing to do with anything, so I finally said:
I have no idea how we this got to this point. From my perspective you sent a confusing text that I figured you meant for someone else, so I made a joke about it. You can talk to whoever you want, we've never met, and I don't need an explanation.
He apologized, I responded no worries. And just like that we’d crashed and burned.
This dating thing is time consuming, so obviously it’s preferable to know sooner rather than later who you’re dealing with. I’m not sure why this seems to be the trend with the men I meet (see here and here for the other examples of men in their thirties behaving badly), but I must say thank you to them for the fast reveals. You’re all saving me a lot of energy and heartache. Since sadly all my dating stories sound similar, I’m beginning to wonder if I’ll ever meet a man who knows how to function in the world. While they make for good stories, it’s also getting pretty tedious. I want and am ready to be amazed by awesomeness, not ridiculousness.